


day & night

by everythingisgay



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Did i mention that i love poly ships, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Hyerimwon deserves respect so give it to them, I Will Go Down With This Ship, I'm sorry but also no i'm not, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Olivia Hye being a dumbass for 6k words, Pining, everyone play their kazoo to the tune of so what, for loona first win, if you don't have at least one poly ship in loona maybe you should rethink, this is gay, trigger warning: feelings are felt, whats new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:14:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23344540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingisgay/pseuds/everythingisgay
Summary: "I knew it all along,That'd end up like this,Everything was so obvious"- day & night (loona)It happened out of the blue. One morning, Hyejoo woke up feeling fine. Ten minutes later she was coughing up a lilac and suddenly everything was different. She loved Chaewon, sho who else could the flower's be for?tw: descriptions of blood
Relationships: Choi Yerim | Choerry/Park Chaewon | Go Won, Choi Yerim | Choerry/Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye, Choi Yerim | Choerry/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye, Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye
Comments: 16
Kudos: 138





	day & night

**Author's Note:**

> to a special someone, you know who you are. I love you.  
> Enjoy <3

Hyejoo knew coughing up bloodied petals was not very attractive, nor was it ideal when she was well, how do you say this? _Already in a relationship._ And she was having no problems! Absolutely none! She loved Chaewon, the girl who is her soulmate. No question about it. Part of Hyejoo was confused as to who the flowers were for, if not Chaewon, seeing as their relationship was practically a fully bloomed and well taken care of white carnation. But for some odd reason, early in the morning as Hyejoo was preparing for school with Yerim, she bent, doubled over, coughing up purple, subdued lilacs, wilting as they touched the tiles. She wheezed heavily, gasping for air through tear stung eyes and gently picked up the delicate pieces of love, examining them with a gulp. Everyone knew what this meant, the first petal of many, so beautiful, and yet a sign of complete destruction of one’s lungs. Hyejoo could live with this love, with a little extra to feel, but the burning question remained of who it was. As far as she was aware, Hyejoo was in love with one girl, and she was lying in bed sound asleep, resting. Hyejoo would know, she had fallen asleep beside her hours ago. The love wasn’t the problem, it was just how unsure she was of who she apparently felt the first emotions of love for, the meaning of the pasty lilac petals cupped in her hands.

What was she to do? Does she tell Chaewon? Does she stay quiet, allow her lungs to be transformed into a heinous garden, breeding catastrophic love? This wasn't something she had ever prepared for, falling in love a second, a third, a fourth time. She had assumed it would be once - or just one at a time, not a two-in-one. 

Nevertheless, Hyejoo wrapped the petals in toilet paper and then into her pocket, flushing the toilet and washing her hands. She needed to stay cool, calm, and overall, not panic. And when Yerim took her hand, holding it close to hers in order to keep her close, Hyejoo didn't realise that the reason she had to bite down on another petal was because of the heat forming in her chest, nestling in between the growing vines of a second love, completely new and detrimental. 

**&**

Hyejoo didn't know how exactly to tell her girlfriend of seven months that she was coughing up flowers, that as she spoke there were probably dozens flowering in her chest. But she did it at midnight two weeks later, after she choked out wallflowers. Her only solace was in her new book, _The Language Of Flowers_ which told her exactly what they meant: fidelity in adversity. She held onto them, pressed them gently into her notebook and kept it close to her, not letting the grey book out of her sights. But then Chaewon sat down beside her, holding up her Nintendo switch and raising her eyebrows, mirroring her pseudo-mothers expressive look. Hyejoo could only smile, but the ache existed, reverberating against her heart. She could hear it loud and clear, and when Chaewon settled down beside her Hyejoo took the leap. 

"I need to show you something," Hyejoo said quietly, waiting for Chaewon's reaction. The elder girl made a sound in her throat and looked up at the latter, smiling gently. 

"Yeah?" she asked, prompting Hyejoo to continue. She stood up carefully and grabbed her notebook, opening up to the most recent pressed flower: The wallflower. She held it out for Chaewon to take wordlessly, hoping for the cogs to turn in her girlfriends head. They didn't. Chaewon flicked through the pages, from the lilac, the tulip, a white, and then a red, rose. The page continued, each littered with notes, annotations. And then, the wallflower. When Hyejoo first saw it, her shoulders sagged with relief. Her heart had tremored, wondering if her fidelity was still intact, and the wallflower confirmed it.

"What are you trying to tell me? Have you become a botanist.....?" Chaewon asked, letting out a short laugh as she looked at Hyejoo. 

Hyejoo smiled awkwardly, "I...no. Two weeks ago, I coughed up a lilac." Hyejoo began, and immediately, Chaewon's expression changed. The girl flicked to the first page and traced the petal, silent as a mouse. 

"Oh," she said quietly. "Who even....?" 

Hyejoo shook her head for a second and held onto Chaewons hand, grasping it tightly in her own. "I love _you._ That has not changed, and even the wallflower, look" She prompted, flicking to the page. 

"Fidelity in adversity," Chaewon readout, muttering the words to herself before sighing. "I know you love _me,_ but who else is there that you love?" 

Ah, the burning question. Hyejoo wasn't sure how she could fall in love, become a garden and still not know who it grew for. So she shrugged. 

"You don't even know?" Chaewon spluttered out in disbelief. 

"Give me a break!" Hyejoo protested, "It took me like five months to work this relationship out! And now another possible one? That's a lot for me!" 

Chaewon ignored her girl for a second, groaning into her hands. 

"Hey," Hyejoo whispered, "Are you mad?"

"Mad?" Chaewon repeated, eyebrows furrowing. "No, not mad. Surprised, confused....those suit better." 

Hyejoo nodded in response before leaning forward and brushing the hair out of Chaewon's face and smiling. "I love you." 

" I love you too, so much." 

**&**

You would think it was odd how Chaewon now helped Hyeoo stick the flowers into the notebook, or how she would open the book of flowers, search for the meaning and whisper it into Hyejoo’s ears as she comforted her with a gentle hug. The days and nights were starting to fashion themselves in that way. When Hyejoo would start to cough, hack and splutter, instead of turning away, Chaewon would hold her and pat her back, rubbing it as she attempted to soothe her girlfriend. There was no denying it hurts her to see someone she loved in so much pain, but she couldn’t stop it. How do you stop the inevitable? 

Chaewon never once questioned a thing. This was something she had to accept, and she did! She wasn’t hurt or offended whatsoever. She wanted Hyejoo to be happy, to be content. And if she could make sure she was, then what’s the harm? She was never opposed to adding a third, a fourth….whatever number. As long as love existed between them all, whoever it was, she didn’t care the number. Plus, it wasn’t that odd a thought when she really wasn’t sure what was going on with the eldest members. Sometimes, well….sometimes she wonders if they spend some time alone not just to sort out the comeback or other schedules. 

**&**

Yerim was out of school sick, and Hyejoo was still in school, stuck studying. That left Chaewon and Yerim, the resident sunshine of the group, home alone. The elder girl’s had gone into the company to talk things with the managers, Jiwoo was off to practise some taekwondo, and Heejin and Hyunjin were at the studios. Apparently, they had an idea for a song.

They sat and had breakfast together for the first time since Chaewon dropped out. She had prepared something small for the younger girl and set the bowl down in front of her. Chaewpn rubbed the girl’s shoulders gently, and hugged her softly after a particularly scratchy cough was let out by the usual ball of sunshine. 

“Do you need any medicine?” Chaewon whispered. 

Yerim shook her head gently before wincing and Chaewon sighed with sympathy. She placed the spoon on the table before going in search of some painkillers. She turned on the kettle for some tea and placed a glass of water on the table with the painkiller. 

“You should take this, Yerim-ah.” She said gently, looking the younger in the eyes. 

Yerim sniffled indignantly but after Chaewon gave her the look she sighed and gave in, popping the capsule in her mouth and sipping some water. Chaewon smiled triumphantly, “Good Girl,” she teased.

She returned a few moments later with some peppermint tea and took her seat beside the sick girl. They ate in near silence, Yerim’s throat too scratchy for much talking. Chaewon was okay with that, she liked the silence - it was rare and inviting. 

After breakfast, Yerim went to lie down for a while in the dark to ease her headache. Meanwhile, Chaewon took to the notebook (they should really name it or something) and sat down with it and the _Language of Flowers_ book with her cup of tea. Chaewon wasn’t sure why she did this, but she loved this part of her day. She’d sit and flick to the most recent flower, trace it with her fingers. The colours were always different, the meaning gentle. This time, the heliotrope took precedent. Part of her was terrified. The beautiful petals and stem that she caressed had been hacked up by her girlfriend. She can remember it clearly, watching in horror as the younger girl bent double in pain over the bathroom floor, Chaewon herself running in to follow in a hurry. She held her close afterwards, wiping the little splatter of blood off of Hyejoo’s lips for her. That was a new bit of intimacy. Never had Chaewon been this close to her girlfriend. But now? She could feel Hyejoo's hot breath against her throat, unrelenting and quivering, unlike in the past, when it was gentle, soft. Chaewon didn’t mind either, as long as it was Hyejoo. 

The purple petals of the heliotrope caught her eye again, and she pulled the information up in the book. She was lucky they had this book. ‘Helios’ it said, greek for the sun. that’s where the word comes from, a flower that meant ‘devoted affection’ derived from the sun? Chaewon quirked her eyebrows in thought, humming to the music in wonder. What if, just maybe….? It’s possible. 

“What’re you doing?” Yerim asked, making the latter jump in fright. 

“Yerim!” she squeaked, closing the book and notebook carefully. 

“Was that a heliotrope?” Yerim replied, not bothering to apologise. Her voice was scratchy and nasally, but still adorable as ever. 

“It was…...why?” Chaewon looked up at Yerim sceptically but the former only shrugged. 

“It’s my favourite flower.”

“Oh,” Chaewon replied quietly, throwing away those thoughts for another time. “What’s up? Feeling any better?” 

Yerim nodded, “My head doesn’t hurt too much….do you wanna watch a movie with me?” 

“Yeah, of course. Which one?” Chaewon asked, turning on her laptop. She walked over to her bed, Yerim following as they settled in. 

“Mmmm, I don’t mind. Something funny?” Her eyes had already begun to droop, and Chaewon couldn’t help but chuckle. She really just wanted to cuddle, didn’t she?

“Alright,” Chaewon whispered back. She selected a feel-good movie pressing play and letting the opening credits roll. She was distinctly aware of the feeling of Yerim’s body pressed against her own, their legs settled over one another and the younger’s head resting on Chaewon’s shoulder. She wasn’t sure when she noticed it, maybe it had been there all along, but her stomach fluttered and her cheek’s flushed. 

They were silent for a while, the movie playing almost like background sound. Chaewon genuinely thought Yerim had fallen asleep and was pretty startled when she heard the younger grumble into her shoulder. 

“That was stupid, she should’ve ended up with her best friend. More chemistry with her than that brick wall of a boy.”

Chaewon couldn’t help but laugh, “That’s usually what these are like. Remember Dating class?” 

Yerim snorted a laugh and promptly covered her face in embarrassment.

“Did you just snort?” Chaewon pointed at her, laughing heartily. 

Yerim groaned, before dissolving into a fit of giggles. 

“They should’ve made it gay….” 

“Everything should be gay,” Yerim responded sleepily. 

**&**

Hyejoo got home later after missing the bus. She had to hand in some papers to the principal about her finishing up school. She doesn’t regret it one bit. It was hitting autumn at the moment, and the leaves were falling crisp and brown. For some reason, since she started coughing up flowers all that time ago, her interest in nature peaked. Hell, even her biology grades were improving. It was late enough, at five pm, and it was starting to darken. The pink and purple hues of light danced off the bus window, and Hyejoo couldn’t stop staring at the withering grass. She loved the darker weather but knew she would end up longing for the sun quickly. 

When she got back to the dorms, it was surprisingly quiet. She dropped her schoolbag down onto the ground, putting on a pair of wolf slippers (she doesn’t like talking about it) and walked into her bedroom. She threw off her clothes, settling for something more comfortable, she put her hair in a bun and sat down at the edge of her bed. For some reason, Hyejoo had barely coughed up a single flower all day. The tickle had come when she had gone to wake up Yerim, but after realising she was in no state to go, Hyejoo’s day was flower free. (Was it weird she missed the flowers? She was curious about what was next). The silence was starting to kill her, it seemed. Because when she started to think...well. What if…? Was it Yerim? It couldn’t be, it really couldn’t. She would ruin Yerim. The same girl who giggled through life with a bright smile, a heart bright and colourful, just like her personality. How would that work? It wouldn’t. Hyejoo shook her thoughts off, ignoring the ache that began in her chest. It wouldn’t work. Not with Hyejoo being….Hyejoo. Why would a ray of sunshine welcome a storm? 

Hyejoo stood up from her bed and sighed, stretching her arms with a satisfactory pop. she left her room quietly, taking the whole ten steps to Chaewon’s room carefully. She had no clue where Yerim was, she wasn’t in the bedroom or the tv area. Unless she decided to sleep in the elder girls room, the coldest room, she must have just disappeared and- 

Oh, Hyejoo found her. And oh, her heart was doing that thing. The beating, the overbearing speed causing her blood to pump, and her cheeks to blush. She looked at the two girls together, at how Yerim seemed to effortlessly fit at Chaewon’s side, how her arm was wrapped around Chaewon’s waist. They seemed so content, the faintest of smile’s on her girlfriends’ lips and Hyejoo couldn’t help but wonder if this had always existed, somehow, somewhere without Hyejoo realising. Had she missed something? How could she miss something so...cute? Gentle? How could she miss the way Chaewon’s cheeks looked pressed against the crown of Yerim’s head? Or the sound Yerim was making, a little hum, as Chaewon unconsciously rubbed her arms. 

She never wanted to miss it again. 

And then she went to hack up a flower, the most beautiful one yet: a white carnation, sweet and lovely. Her heartbeat settled, her cheeks calm, but a relentless storm shook her insides with fear, but luckily, the little spark of hope appeared, a ray of sun in the dark. 

**&**

When Yerim woke up, there was a blanket on top of her and Chaewon. The laptop was moved to the ground, turned off. But Chaewon was very much still asleep, sleeping soundly with her blonde hair curtaining her face. Quietly and gently, Yerim moved her arm from holding Chaewon and moved off the bed. Her eyes remained on the elders, at the delicate features of Chaewon. She was so peaceful, and no doubt beautiful. And dating Hyejoo. Ah, there’s the rub (she had learnt that quote from class, thank’s Shakespeare). Loving Chaewon had been an accident, a culmination of long nights, laughter, and perhaps too-long-hugs that Yerim never wanted to leave the embrace of. The only problem was Hyejoo, and not for the reason people would think. While Hyejoo and Chaewon were clearly soulmates, Yerim knew she had a little something special with them. There was a reason the three could stay up until the early hours of the morning, talking, laughing, playing. There was always a reason Yerim smiled, and when she was with Hyejoo and Chaewon, she didn’t have to search for one. She was just….happy. And that, that was the problem. She was too happy, happier than a best friend should be. She was happy in a well...in a gay well, ironically. 

Yerim knew to get out of this bed meant something, too much. The same way she knew that Hyejoo was the one who gave them the blanket and that she was the reason the laptop was on the ground. Yerim knew more than people thought, and that was okay. So Yerim got up, looked at Chaewon one more time and stepped away. Hoped the space she created now remained, so that she could move on, finally.

**&**

For the few day’s that Yerim recovered, Yerim pretended she had a pounding headache so that when Chaewon asked if she wanted to watch a movie, she could say no. She wasn’t proud of it, nor was she proud of the longing she felt to just, be there with her. Yerim loves contact, loves people, loves Chaewon even more. By denying herself everything she loves, she was hurting herself. But she knew she had to because she also loved Hyejoo. And Hyejoo deserves this grand, all-consuming love she shared with Chaewon. She couldn’t bear to step in the way. 

Now all she had to worry about was when she returned to school. Because Hyejoo wasn’t leaving until the end of the term, which was still a few weeks away. Yerim knew Hyejoo was looking forward to it, and secretly so was she. 

**&**

It took two weeks for Jinsol and Jungeun to confront her, locking the bedroom door behind them. 

“What’s up with you? Are you sick?” Jinsol started with, moving forward to press her hand against the youngest’s forehead. 

“What? No!” Yerim shoved the girl’s hair away, chuckling to herself. Jungeun just stared at her, crossing her arms. 

“You’ve been acting weirdly, lately…” She drawled, making Yerim squirm. She let out a chuckle and walked over to her desk where she had her pens all strewn about and began to organise them carefully. 

“Hey, no, no, no,” Jinsol said, taking ahold of Yerim’s shoulders and turning her around. Yerim’s eyes were rimmed red, lips trembling. Jinsol cooed softly, “what’s wrong?” 

All Yerim did was start coughing, chest rickety and scratched as a lilac petal dropped to the ground. 

“Oh my god,” Jungeun whispered, kneeling down to pick it up carefully. 

“Unnies,” Yerim began weakly, “what do you do when you fall in love?” 

The air stilled, and Yerim watched Jungeun stare at the flower, then up at Yerim, then to Jinsol, then back to the ground. It was slow, painful, and Yerim couldn’t ignore the soft sigh Jinsol let out.

“When I first met Jungeun, I didn’t think I would fall in love. And then a few months later, I coughed up a rose. She picked it up, looked me in the eyes and then kissed me.” Jinsol stated it simply, smiling. As if the agonising feeling of a flower rising from your lungs, where an untamed garden of all shapes and sizes resided, didn’t exist. 

“But it hurts, right? This, I can feel it….” Yerim whispered gently, staring at the lilac petal that was still in Jungeun’s hands. “And what about the others?” Yerim asked.

Jungeuns’ voice cut through the silence, “not all love is meant to be this painful. And if it is, you fix it. You make sure it never is again.” 

Her voice was solid, clear, confident. But Yerim couldn’t help but waver as she walked towards Jungeun to take the petal out of her bandmates hand. 

“This is the sixth flower I’ve coughed up. And I don’t know how to make it stop.” She admitted. 

“You start by not avoiding the women you’re in love with,” Jungeun said quietly. 

Yerim whipped around to stare at Jungeun, who had her arms crossed again and her eyes stared into her own fiercely. She shifted to Jinsol who shrugged, eyebrows quirked up. 

“But-” Yerim began to protest, “wouldn’t that be intruding?” 

Jinsol scoffed, “that’s what I thought with Haseul, and Vivi, and Sooyoung, and Jiwoo. And yet, what happened?” 

“They welcomed you and Jungeun with open arms. Now you’re a massive poly group, I get it. You’re in love, whoop! Don’t flaunt it.” Yerim sighed, taking a seat at the edge of her bed, staring at the electric purple flower in her hand. 

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Jinsol replied, taking a seat beside the youngest. “What I meant was: sometimes you think you’re intruding when really you’re in the perfect place.” 

**&**

Hyejoo took her seat beside Chaewon silently, pressing a kiss to her temple and then resting her head against the elder’s shoulder. In her hands, a flower resided. The chrysanthemum in her hands shone bright, the yellow hues shown through the flamboyant display of petals. There were blood splatters on a few strands and Hyejoo had desperately tried to wipe it off with tears falling, hitting the petals and gliding to the ground. Chaewon looked at the younger, then the flower. 

“It’s nearly a full flower.” She said tensely, staring at the girl once again. 

“I know,” Hyejoo sighed, “I can barely breathe.” 

“Why didn’t you say something-” there was a panicked edge to Chaewon’s voice, even higher than usual. 

“Because I-” Hyejoo licked her lips and paused. “Nevermind. What does this one mean? Do you have the book?”

Chaewon sighed before standing up and retrieving the notebook and book itself, coming back to her girlfriend with a wallowish look. “Oli, if you can’t breathe, we have to tell Haseul.” 

“Not yet,” Hyejoo replied definitely. “Tell me. What does it mean?” 

“It looks like it must be a chrysanthemum,” Chaewon mumbled, and then let out a soft ‘oh’. 

“What?” Hyejoo asked, leaning over to read the page. “Truth…..oh.”

“Did you figure out who it was?” Chaewon asked. 

Hyejoo stayed silent, staring off at the wall. She couldn’t help the thoughts, the overbearing memory of all her moments with Yerim and Chaewon, or both of them alone. Would this change something? Would nothing change? Would Hyejoo just die when the full bouquet appears, thorns ripping her throat, her career tarnished and life ruined. Would she let that happen?

“I think it’s Yerim.”

Chaewon smiled. “I thought as much.”

“You figured it out before I did?” Hyejoo spluttered, “figures.”

Chaewon didn’t reply immediately, a faraway look in her eyes. “Heliotrope; derived from helio, the sun, devoted affection. Coreopsis, always cheerful.” 

Hyejoo chucked, “that does sound like her.” 

“You know,” Chaewo began, sucking in a breath, “ I really like her too, ‘Joo.”

Hyejoo nodded before letting out a little giggle, “I mean, I don’t mind.” 

Chaewon shoved the younger girl, smiling lightly. “So, what’s the next step?”

Hyejoo shrugged, “Go with it? She’s still sick, I definitely don’t want to talk to her until she’s in a better mood.”

“Sure,” Chaewon said quietly, then moved away to lie down, head against the pillow. Hyejoo followed suit, holding the elder close, her head leaning against Hyejoo’s chest. 

Hyejoo didn’t get the chance to talk to Yerim. The girl was ignoring Chaewon and talked tensely to Hyejoo as if they weren’t friends. It seemed to come out of nowhere, one night staying up late to play the Wii with Hyejoo and Chaewon, and the next, she was gone.

**&**

“She’s ignoring us, Oli,” Chaewon said a few weeks later, mid-afternoon. Her hands were at the back of her head as she stared out the window, walking back and forth. Her delicate features shone yellow, gentle hues dancing across her face as the sun split like it did against stones. 

Hyejoo coughed from her seat, shaking her head as her thoughts began to float. “I know,” She replied hoarsely. 

“You don’t have much time left either. Oli, we have to….I can’t.” there were tears in Chaewon’s eyes as she turned to look at her girlfriend, walking towards her slowly. She knelt down and grasped Hyejoo’s hand tightly. She looked up at the girl, her breathing more ragged than ever before, and pulled her in for a hug. They strayed that way, silent as they held each other closely. 

“‘Joo,” Chaewon sounded startled, “Your heart.” 

Hyejoo's heartbeat stalled, jumpy and untrustworthy. The usual speed of a heart, the steady 808 beats of a heart diminishing beneath her very chest. Her heart, unsteady as ever, was losing it's hope, dwindling with each day, much like Hyejoo's ragged breathing, her lungs losing the will to grasp onto air, finding it much too hard under the weight of dozens of flowers, all crowded within one fragile cavity. Empty, that was it. Her chest felt empty as it filled with flowers. 

“I’ll talk to Yerim today. It’s my last chance.” Hyejoo replied instead, running her fingers through Chaewon’s hair gently, attempting to ignore the tremors in her hands, the way they shook, her body losing stability as her rickety lungs grew overcrowded. She was dying. 

“Guys!” Haseul yelled, “We have to go to the studio, come on!” 

Hyejoo sighed, letting go of her girlfriend to stand up. 

“Are you sure you’ll be okay to dance?” Chaewon asked, looking up at her with worried eyes. 

“I have to be,” Hyejoo smiled silently before leaning in kiss Chaewon chastely. 

Chaewon sighed softly, humming into the kiss “I love you,” she mumbled against Hyejoo’s lips. 

Hyejoo pulled away to look her girlfriend in the eyes, “I love you too.” 

**&**

They danced relentlessly, the same chorus playing on repeat as they tried to perfect their formation. Haseul was overseeing it all, counting the steps. 

“And one, two, three…..Good! Kahei you nailed that!” Haseul praised, sending the eldest a thumbs up. 

“Hyejoo,” Haseul sighed as she watched the youngest stumble over her feet. “What’s up? You had this learnt perfectly a few days ago…”

“Nothing,” Hyejoo panted, “ I think I just need some water.” 

“Alright,” Haseul stared at her, “We’ll take a break.”

Everyone broke apart, the music turned off as the girls began to chatter to one another. Sooyoung walked over to Hyejoo, rubbing her shoulders. 

“Hey,” she said softly, “You good?” 

Hyejoo nodded before she began to cough, the feeling reverberating against her chest. She covered her mouth with her hands and then looked to Sooyoung with an apology. “I need t-to...go to the bathroom.” 

Sooyoung watched with concerned eyes as the younger scurried off, hacking heavily as she went. 

The bathroom wasn’t far, but Hyejoo could feel the unrelenting darkness sweep over her body as she took each step. Blood splattered her hands, covering them in a sticky red. She opened the door to the bathroom quickly, only looking up for a split second and- 

Yerim stood at the sink, Jinsol and Jungeun flanking her on each side as they looked down at….a flower? Tulip petals were sitting in Yerim’s hands. The reason dawned on Hyejoo slowly, her thoughts no quicker than a snail. Hyejoo stumbled backwards, ignoring the girl’s protests as she staggered back through the hall, wheezing and coughing. She tried to hold her breath as best as she could as she opened the door, but when Chaewon began to walk towards her, she grappled blindly for purchase, to grip onto something. Her hands met empty air as she collapsed, lungs stuttering as she hacked up the flower. First came the head, the gentle yellow’s, then the stem, the thorns spikey against her mouth and lips. She couldn’t breathe, the feeling of blood mixed with something sweet. She gasped for air, felt Chaewon’s touch as she tried to help her up but all Hyejoo could do was shake her head and whimper, tears falling from her eyes, dropping to the ground. 

“Please,” Chaewon whispered, and then Hyejoo heard nothing else. Her eyes shut, her breathing slowing down as she lost her grip on reality. She was done. 

The room descended into chaos as the three women who were missing burst through. 

“Someone get the doctor!” Chaewon pleaded, turning Hyejoo onto her side. “Please,” she cried out looking up at Haseul desperately. 

Said girl rushed out with Kahei at her heels, and Sooyoung stepped forward with towels. She knelt over Hyejoo’s body, brushed the hair from her neck and throat to check her heartbeat. 

“She’s still…” Sooyoung fell over the word, “Alive.” 

Chaewon cried as the girls began to rush around, some helping Sooyoung clean up. Heejin and Kahei went to comfort Chaewon, whispering to her. 

Yerim stepped forward, ready to help. 

“No,” Chaewon said it clearly. The room stopped moving. 

“No?” Yerim asked, looking around and then back at the elder girl. 

“Don’t...her body can’t...it’ll kill her.” Chaewon choked out, grasping onto Hyejoo’s hand. 

It stayed silent after that. 

**&**

Hyejoo woke up with a tube down her throat, the black surrounding her vision dissipating. Haseul and Chaewon were talking in the corner, both talking quickly. At the sound of Hyejoo coughing, they both halted their actions and turned to the youngest. 

Haseul rushed out to get the nearest nurse and returned quickly, a woman with a kind smile following the leader. 

“My,” the nurse began, “you gave your friends a scare.” 

Hyejoo smiles as best she could and bowed her head carefully. 

“Can you breathe through your nose?” The nurse asked gently, putting on a pair of gloves as she spoke. Hyejoo nodded, feeling the freedom of breathing once again. 

“Good!” the nurse smiled, “I’m going to take this out, okay? It shouldn’t hurt too much.” 

The nurse did so quickly but carefully, then handed Hyejoo a bottle of water. “Now, done. Drink this carefully, and you see these buttons?” she gestured towards the two at her bedside table. “The blue one is for pain relief, the red for if you need a doctor.” 

Hyejoo nodded once more before whispering a shaky “thank you.” 

“It’s not a problem,” the nurse responded kindly. “Might I say, though. You’re very young to be suffering like this.” 

Hyejoo sighed, “Can I ask you for a favour?”

“Of course.”

Without meeting Haseul or Chaewon’s eyes, she replied quickly. “There’s a girl who might come by. She has purple hair at the tips. She...she has this, too. Can you help her?” 

The smile dwindled from the nurse’s eyes, an understanding look dawning over her, “Ah, I see. I will definitely. Thanks for letting me know.” 

Chaewon and Haseul bowed as she left, then walked back to Hyejoo who was trying to sit up. 

“Yerim has it?” was the first thing that came out of Chaewon’s mouth, followed by a sigh. She shook her head. “Nevermind. How do you feel?”

“I feel better. I can breathe. What did they do…..?” 

“The flowers are still there, but they just….took some out I guess? Until you confess, they remain. Or until you ask for them to be removed.” Haseul explained, leaning forward to press a kiss to Hyejoo’s forehead. 

Having Haseul here lifted a weight off her shoulder, calming her down as she squeezed Chaewon’s hand for comfort. “Where is everyone else?” 

“Some are at the dorm’s, other’s are waiting around. Yerim…” Haseul began, “Yerim hasn’t left yet.” 

“Oh,” Hyejoo couldn’t help the hopeful smile appear before it disappeared when a thought appeared. “What did the company say?”

“Nothing other than that they want you healthy. Your throat, the laceration’s arent terrible. They can be fixed with time and recovery. And with an inhaler and some other medication, you should be able to dance just fine.” Haseul assured her. 

“Goddess Bless,” Hyejoo sighed in relief. 

“I’m going to go get Sooyoung, she’s been worried sick. Like all of us,” Haseul said, standing up. 

When she left, Hyejoo looked at Chaewon weakly. “Lie beside me?” she asked softly. 

Chaewon smiled gently before hopping onto the bed, lying beside Hyejoo and holding her close. 

“You coughed up a whole tulip,” Chaewon said. 

“Declaration of love,” Hyejoo recited, closing her eyes. Chaewon hummed in response. 

“I- I put it in the book.” She replied. There was a pause and then Hyejoo spoke up. 

“Yerim coughed up the exact same flower. I saw the petals when I went to the bathroom,” she admitted. 

“Do you think…?” Chaewon whispered. 

“I really hope so.” 

They stayed silent after that, Chaewon holding her girlfriend close, tracing patterns on the girl’s forearm. 

Sooyoung entered the room with her girlfriend behind her, a pensive look on her face. She walked towards Hyejoo carefully, biting her lip. When she reached the youngest she pressed a kiss to her temple and brushed some hair aside. 

“Don’t ever pull that shit again, idiot.” She said, tears forming in her eyes. 

Hyejoo chucked, smiling brightly, “I’ll try my best, oldie.” 

“Don’t you dare start me-” 

Haseul intervened quickly, “okay, hey. Sooyoung be nice, Hyejoo don’t...do that. We both know how sensitive Sooyoung is about how OLD she is.”

“You’re the same age!” Sooyoung defended herself, attacking her girlfriend. 

“And I own it.” Haseul winked. 

Sooyoung glared at Haseul before turning around to look at Hyejoo. “So, Yerim huh?” 

Hyejoo’s cheeks grew red, shoving her face into Chaewon’s side. 

“And what about you?” Haseul asked carefully, moving closer to Sooyoung. 

“Me?” Chaewon asked, looking up at Haseul. “I’m not opposed to any of this.” 

“Ah.” Sooyoung smirked, “She got you, too?”

Haseul chuckled before staring at Chaewon sternly, “if anything happens to you, you better not copy your girlfriend or I’m kicking you out of loona.”

“Promise I won’t, I think Hyejoo terrified me enough with this,” Chaewon admitted. 

“I’m sorry,” Hyejoo whispered softly, pressing a gentle kiss to Chaewon’s hand. 

“Everything’s gonna be okay,” Haseul assured her, Sooyoung murmuring the sentiment. 

**&**

Hyejoo returned to the dorms with a bag full of medicine and a small blondie holding her free hand. They stepped through the threshold of the door silently, Haseul behind them on the phone with their manager to reassure her the had gotten up to the apartment safely. She was smothered in hugs, and maybe a few kisses (Jiwoo pleaded guilty immediately, But Jinsol smiled triumphantly). Yerim was last to go up to her, and when she reached them the room went silent. 

Yerim shifted from foot to foot awkwardly and Hyejoo stared at her, mouth opening and closing like a fish before she began coughing. Yerim’s eyes widened in worry, hastening forward to help the girl. 

“I’m fine,” Hyejoo insisted, but still took the glass of water from Hyunjin’s hand, thanking her quickly. Yeojin looked sick from worry and Hyejoo hated it. Hated the looks she was getting, hated how weak she felt. After gulping down the glass of water, Yerim spoke. 

“Can we talk? All of us?” she asked, looking between Chaewon and Hyejoo carefully. 

Hyejoo nodded, standing up, following Yerim as Chaewon followed suit. 

**&**

“Look’s like we got another group, pals. That leaves Hyunjin and Heejin as the vanilla bitches.” Jinsol chirped, ruffling their hair affectionately. 

Yeojin began to protest but with a sharp look from Haseul, she shut up. 

“You’re not dating until I get my first wrinkle,” she stated firmly. 

“So I can start dating now?” Yeojin teased the elder girl, laughing at the woman’s reaction. 

“I do not-!” Haseul protested, “And if I did it would be because of you heathens!” 

**&**

The door closed behind Chaewon, the sound echoing awkwardly in the room. The three were silent for a while, the only noise coming from outside the bedroom. Yerim sighed before stepping aside and opening the closet door. From it, she took out two bouquets of daffodils, a muted white with strong hints of yellow, colour soft and gentle, reflecting the last lights of the sun that shone through the window. Yerim bit her lip and took a few steps forward, pressing them into each of the girl’s hands. 

“I’m so sorry,” Yerim said quietly, stepping back. “I promise, I do, that I never meant to hurt either of you.” 

“New beginnings,” Chaewon replied, “that’s what these mean.” 

Hyejoo sighed, rubbing Chaewon’s back before responding. “I’m not mad. I just want to know why. Why you ignored us, hurt us like that….and let yourself suffer. I love you, Yerim, I hate knowing you were hurting.” 

Hyejoo was never one to use many words, never believed in a flowery language of pretty image, similes, alliteration. She didn’t care much for it, she just wanted simplicity, honesty. But Yerim had never offered that to Hyejoo, instead, she left her dry, confused. Hyejoo had moved past being ashamed of liking girls, but she was ashamed of loving Yerim. 

Yerim took a deep breath before offering a crooked smile. “You guys are soulmates and I’m...I’m Yerim. I’m nothing.” 

“No, never,” Chaewon responded, walking towards the girl. “You are everything, Yerim. I may have a soulmate, but everyone needs the sun. That’s what you are to us. The sun, bright, shining no matter what. You make us feel happy, content.”

Yerim’s lips wobbled, “God I’m an idiot. Six of our bandmates are dating each other and I still thought us three couldn’t be together.”

“I’m not disagreeing with that.” Hyejoo chuckled before opening her arms. “Come here,” she beckoned Yerim who rushed forward and scooped the youngest into a hug. Chaewom joined them quickly, holding them both tightly, sighing happily. 

“I’m glad we ended up like this,” Chaewon whispered, rubbing Yerim’s back.

“Everything was so obvious,” Yerim murmured back, sighing contently and leaning into the comforting touch. 

“I wish I knew all along,” Hyejoo responded, letting a stray tear fall. She rested her head on top of Yerim’s, smiling at the little content sigh’s coming from her. Chaewon and her made eye contact, both with red-rimmed eyes but soft smiles. 

“What does this make us?” Chaewon asked, half-joking, half worried. 

“Gay?” Yerim replied with, making the three dissolve into a fit of giggles. 

“No, well...we are gay.” Hyejoo said, “I think girlfriends fit best? What do you think?” 

“Joo I’ve been waiting to be you guys’ girlfriend for months, I literally suffered from a disease brought on by immense love. I think I’m more than okay with being your girlfriend.”

**&**

"Guys!" Yerim yelled, placing a bowl of popcorn on her lap. "Hurry up, the movie is about to start!"

"Coming!!" Hyejoo hurled back, running in with Chaewon behind her. She threw a bag of m&m's at Yerim, taking her seat on the girls left. 

"What are we watching again?" Chaewon asked sleepily, stifling a yawn. 

"Is that my fancam?!?!" Hyejoo screeched, shoving Yerim over. The latter began cackling, jumping on top of the younger girl, pinning her to the sofa. 

"As I told you earlier, we're watching an amazing movie." Yerim winked. 

"Wait wh-?" Chaewon mumbled, her eyes half-closed. 

"Just turn on the actual movie, you fool," Hyejoo grumbled, receiving a happy kiss on the cheek from her girlfriend. 

"Gotcha!" Yerim cheered, settling back into her previous position and changing the channel. The intro to Marry Poppin's returns began to play, making Yerim smile in excitement. 

"Ugh," Hyejoo groaned, hitting her head against the back of the couch. 

"Shut up, you love this movie," Chaewon mumbled into Yerim's shoulder, recognising the music. 

"Don't call me out like this," Hyejoo protested, leaning over to hit her girlfriend on the shoulder gently. 

Yerim giggled before shushing the two, both of whom were notorious for talking through a film. 

The three sat quietly in silence until the ending credits. Yerim looked at both her shoulders to see each of her girlfriends fast asleep and rolled her eyes. They never could make it through a movie night awake. But she felt perfect like she was right where she was meant to be. Jinsol was right. 

**Author's Note:**

> tysm for reading homies and homo's, u can follow me on tumble @loonizpink and or twitter @girslikeunbi where i retweet other peoples jokes because I'm not funny x


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